Last time I published a review of Glorify God in your Body which sets out a clear, well-reasoned and Biblical approach to human sexuality and to marriage. It is one thing, however, to know the theory. It is another to apply the teaching in a context where the institution of marriage is fast disappearing and there is a history of complex, broken relationships. This sermon is an attempt to bridge the gap, and it attracted some positive and interesting criticism afterwards. My readings were Genesis 2:18-25 and Matthew 19:1-6, the context a Sunday morning Holy Communion of mixed ages, and with some adaptation, a smaller Thursday congregation of mostly elderly people:
There was once a crusty old vicar who was asked to talk to a group of teenage boys about sex. So he stood up and said to them, “Boys, I have three points beginning with D. It is dirty. It is dangerous. So don’t.” And then he sat down.
Seriously, though, how do we talk about sex and marriage? From a pastoral point of view, this is probably the hardest subject to talk about, and I guess there are good reasons why we don’t often tackle this issue on a Sunday morning. Some of us have been involved in very difficult and painful relationships. Some of us are living with a secret shame we would rather not admit to. Some of us have experienced heartache and pain from the very earliest age. The Bible recognises that when it comes to sex we are dealing with a peculiarly personal issue that affects us at the very deepest level.
And it has to be said that all of us fall short of God’s expectations. Speaking personally, I have been married for almost exactly 25 years, but I am still convicted by what Jesus says about purity of the heart. Most, if not all of us, struggle with our inmost thoughts and desires, and we need to remember that when it comes to what the Bible calls sin, God does not grade us, as if some of our shortcomings are more acceptable to Him than others.
So if we all fall short of the Bible’s teaching, how then should we respond?
One increasingly popular answer would be to say that what the Bible teaches is the product of a bygone age. Society has moved on. We have the wisdom of modern science, we have the insights of psychology, and we have a far better understanding of what it means to be human. Seeking to apply the Bible’s standards to today’s world is at best misguided: at worst it is potentially damaging to those who know they can never live up to its teaching.
And to a certain extent I have some sympathy with this position. Too often the Bible has been used as a big stick to threaten those who do not live up to the church’s teaching. People have experienced hurt and misunderstanding, at times even condemnation and judgement, and they have heard very little mention of the infinite mercy of God our maker and redeemer.
But I have to say the fault there lies with us as a church, and not with the Bible itself. Indeed if we simply ignore or change what the Bible says about marriage, for example, then we are on very dangerous ground. After all, if we decide not to obey God’s word here, what is to stop us from ignoring what He says elsewhere? In the end all that’s left is a pic’n’mix approach to the Bible where we only choose the bits we like.
No, right at the outset we have to accept that God gives us His teaching for our good. Yes, we may struggle with the issue of obedience, yes, we may know we fall short, but that is no reason for changing it in any way or deciding it doesn’t apply to us. Imagine what would happen, for example, if we applied the same attitude to the Highway Code. Is there anyone here who has never, ever broken a single rule in the Highway Code, never gone over the speed limit, or parked on a double yellow line? Should we then ditch what it says about speed limits or parking restrictions? Of course not! The Highway Code is meant for our safety and our good. How much more is the teaching of our good creator God who loves us and knows what it best for our lives!
So this morning my aim is to look at what the Bible says about sexuality and marriage. Then I want to look at the reality on the ground. And finally I want to consider how we as a church might bridge the gap between ideal and reality. My purpose in all this is not to condemn, but ultimately to point to the grace and mercy found in Jesus Christ.
Here, then, is the ideal. The first man, Adam, is in the garden of Eden. Everything is newly created and beautiful. Adam is busy looking after the plants and the animals. He is living in a state of wonder and joy in harmony with the Lord God. All seems to be so perfect and so idyllic. But then we read verse 18: The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
This is the first time in the account of creation that something is described as not good. What is the problem? If you were here two weeks ago, you will know that according to Genesis 1:26 man was made in the image of God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit. That’s another way of saying that God the Trinity created us to enjoy relationships, to exist in community with others, to give and receive love on a free and equal basis.
Now some of us may well say it would be wonderful to be like Adam, alone in the garden of Eden. Not all of us are people persons, and a bit of peace and quiet may be just what we need at the moment. That may be true, but sooner or later, all of us need contact with a fellow human being. As all the statistics show, loneliness is bad for our health, and from the Bible’s perspective it makes us less than the person God created us to be.
So what is God’s solution to Adam’s isolation? I will make a helper suitable for him. Or, to translate this sentence more accurately, I will make a helper like him but different from him. Now if at this point you are scratching your head and wondering what means, it’s helpful to go back again to Genesis 1:27:
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.
This is such an important verse to understand because really it sets the foundations for all the Bible says about sexuality and marriage. And it tells us two important truths. First of all, women are as much made in God’s image as men. There is no place among believers for discrimination or for treating women with any less dignity or respect. In terms of standing before God women are completely equal with men and that equality needs to be reflected in our dealings one with another.
But secondly, this verse also teaches us that because men and women are made in God’s image there are definite and clear differences between them. Let me take this point a little further. At the heart of God are three persons, Father, Son and Holy Spirit. In their relationship with one another, each have a different role and function. You can see that in the creation story, for example. God the Father plans the grand design. God the Son makes it reality. God the Holy Spirit gives it breath and life. Three persons but one being, each with their own distinct part to play.
In a similar kind of way, as those made in the image of God, men and women were created to have separate and clear roles and functions. Quite what these roles and functions might be is a massive subject and I can’t go over everything in one sermon. But going back to Genesis 2:18 we can see what a helper like Adam but different from him refers to. God here is talking about a woman, like him in equality and and dignity, different from him in role and function.
Now here I better say something while I can before it becomes illegal to do so. No doubt a relationship between two people of the same sex can be faithful, loving and committed. Certainly these people are made in God’s image and they deserve our welcome and respect as much as anyone else. But such a relationship ultimately falls short of what God intended, a union of two people who are of equal worth and dignity, but distinct and different in gender. And if you find what I am saying difficult, remember this is what the church has taught for 2000 years, and this is what Jesus affirms in our gospel reading. But, please, if this is an issue for you, do have a private word with me afterwards.
So here is the man and the woman. They come together as part of God’s wonderful, beautiful plan for creation. They delight and take pleasure in each other. So what happens next? Do they live together for a while to see if they are compatible? Do they, to use a horrible modern phrase, try before they buy?
No – first of all, they get married. Listen again to verses 22-24: Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman’, for she was taken out of man.” For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
The man is united to his wife and then they become one flesh. Now at this point I feel like the crusty old vicar in my joke at the beginning. But there is a good reason why Genesis 2:24 brings marriage into the story of God’s creation. Marriage isn’t just about two starstruck lovers deciding to tie the knot or throw a massive celebration. It’s about the creation of a new family unit. Adam isn’t going to go home anymore to get his washing done, or Eve to enjoy her mother’s cooking. From now on they are going to rely on each other, totally and completely, for everything they need. Their marriage is to be an exclusive, permanent and faithful commitment, and it is out of this public declaration of love and trust one to another that sexual union follows.
And again this institution of marriage reflects something of what it means to be made male and female in God’s image. At the heart of God, as I have already explained, is a relationship between God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. This relationship is permanent, loving and exclusive. Nothing or no-one gets in the way of it. And marriage is designed to reflect that relationship, in the way a man loves his woman, and a woman loves her man.
So this modern idea that marriage is something with a limited lifespan, or that relationships can be temporary and disposable, goes completely against God’s original intention for us. Yes, I realise that life nowadays is fast changing. We may change our cars, our homes, our work, our lifestyles many times over. But if God has brought a man and a woman together in the way that Adam and Eve were brought together, then in an ideal world that relationship is meant to last. As Jesus says in Matthew 19:6:what God has joined together, let man (or indeed woman) not separate.
God intended marriage to be a reflection of the love which exists at the heart of the Trinity and which He has made known to us through the death and resurrection of His Son Jesus Christ. However at this point I need to add a very important point. Not everyone is necessarily called to be married. Jesus makes clear in our gospel reading that some are called by God to singleness, and it is vital that we as a church do not see single people as those who simply haven’t got married yet or, worse still, promote a ministry of pairing them off, whether they like it or not. Jesus wasn’t married, nor was the apostle Paul, and we need to respect those who in Jesus’ words have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. Despite the message put out by every TV programme or film, not everyone needs to have sex to be a fulfilled human being.
However, whether we are married or single, I think it fair to say all of us struggle between the ideal promoted here in the Bible and the messy, complicated reality here on the ground. Some of us have been so broken and hurt by our relationships we find it hard to trust and to love. Some of us have tried for years to overcome temptations and find again and again that we are living with failure. Some of us struggle with the issue of same-sex attraction or have family or friends in same-sex relationships. All the statistics suggest there is at least one person here who is addicted to pornography or is using social media in a way that does not glorify God.
So how do we apply the teaching of Genesis 2 to ourselves? I am always reminded of the story of Jesus’ encounter with the woman caught in adultery in John 7:53-8:11. Here are the teachers of the law and the Pharisees ready to stone this poor woman (although the man in question is nowhere to be found) and they demand to know what Jesus is going to do. Jesus however tells them that if anyone is without sin, they should throw the first stone. He waits and he waits, and one by one everyone leaves, guilty and embarrassed. Then finally Jesus turns to the women and says these beautiful words: Neither do I condemn you… go now and leave your life of sin.
As I hope has become clear throughout, the purpose of this sermon is not to throw stones. So many people know that when it comes to issues of sexuality and marriage, they have failed, they have made a mess of things, they have hurt others. They need to hear the message of Jesus: Neither do I condemn you. So what does that it mean in practice? It means being ready to welcome all who come in through our doors, no matter how different they might be from ourselves. It means building relationships of trust and making church a safe space where people feel able to be open about themselves, and have permission to be vulnerable. It means understanding their past experiences, and listening to their story. But it also means offering the possibility of change, of showing that through repentance and faith and trust in Jesus Christ healing and forgiveness is possible.
So somehow we also need to make sure people hear Jesus’ challenge to go now and leave your life of sin. How do we do this? Well, we need to faithfully and preach the teach the word of God. But not like the Pharisees who approached Jesus in our gospel reading, who had turned Scripture into a weapon to trap and condemn those who failed to live up to their standards. But with the grace and wisdom of Jesus Christ, trusting as we explain what the Bible says, the Holy Spirit will work in the hearts of those who hear. For ultimately it is not up to us to change anyone’s lives. That is God’s work, and He alone has the power to restore men and women and reconcile them to Himself.
And of course alongside our teaching people need to see the visible difference that following Jesus Christ makes. They need to hear the stories of the broken and the grieving finding hope and friendship in this wonderful community called the church. They need to hear the stories of the addicted being set free in the power of the Holy Spirit. They need to hear the stories of marriages rescued, and relationships restored, by the grace and mercy of God. They need to hear stories of single people finding fulfilment and joy in their work for the Lord.
Because ultimately we need to remember that although we may find what the Bible teaches difficult, God gave it to us for our good. And doesn’t a hurt and confused world need to see people who are able to live differently, who have positive and healthy relationships one with another, and who can point to the mercy and grace of Jesus Christ? So today let me encourage you to do some serious business with God about this whole issue, if not for your sake, then for your children or grandchildren, and let’s be a community which really is the light of the world, able to attract others to the goodness and grace of God, our maker and our redeemer. For His name’s sake. Amen.
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